Thursday, April 06, 2006

Ticket to Heaven

I saw something on the news the other day that piqued my interest. So I had to check it out and found out that it is true.

You can now order your own ticket to heaven! Just logon to and you can purchase your own (don’t make the mistake that I did and go to “” because that is what looks like a porn site … which may or may not be more legitimate). The price is $15 plus $4.95 shipping, and this will get you your very own ticket to heaven, a certificate of authenticity (?) and a testimonial card to put in your wallet or purse. It will take 30 days to deliver and California residents need to at 8.25% in sales tax.

You also have to read the disclaimer: “The parties acknowledge that this is a statement of intent and belief and is not intended as a contract for services, transportation or the supply of goods. The ticket issuer makes no warranties or representations as to the state of existence implied by the term "Heaven" or the duration, permanence and conditions thereof. The issuer of this Ticket To Heaven disclaims all express and implied warranties, including but not limited to, implied warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose.” Which, basically, means that this ticket to heaven will get you nowhere and they aren’t liable if you don’t get to there. There is also a privacy policy where they promise that no one will know if you have a ticket to heaven and all your “personal” information will not be shared with anyone.

There are SO many areas I could go with this, and I know that it is just a gimmick to remove you a little farther from your money but let me give you a few questions to think about:
- It is good to see that God is on the information highway but what happened to the people wanted a ticket before the Internet?
- Where is the station to redeem this ticket? Do I have to make sure my loved ones put it in the casket with me?
- Why would California residents have to pay more, are they worse sinners?
- Is this cost cheap or expensive for you? Is this God’s sale price or the normal price?
- Why would it take 30 days to get it, does God have a backlog?
- Why would you need the disclaimer and the privacy policy, doesn’t that show a lack of faith?

Seriously, too many people fall for this kind of marketed religion. Which, when you think about it, has nothing to do with God and authentic spirituality at all. It’s easy and it seems to fill a gap in our lives. Whereas, authentic spirituality or real “God-stuff” is not easy, cheap or even marketable; it is a journey.

This reminds me of Star Trek V “The Final Frontier” where the crew was hijacked to find heaven and God in a sector of the universe. When they met God, he was not all he was cracked up to be. In fact when he asked about their ship, the Enterprise, I can still hear Captain Kirk’s classic line: “Ummm, excuse me, but what would God need with a starship?” Don’t be taken in by the religious, spiritual sounding gimmicks, go for the real thing.

Because of the great response I got from the last column on ticket2heaven, I thought I would share more questions generated by others as they responded.


Can I buy a round trip, if I'm just considering heaven as a vacation home?If they have an installment plan, what if I'm not fully paid before I die?Can I get a "coach class" ticket? Would I expect to see the Pope in the first-class section?Can I reserve non-smoking accommodations in heaven? (Probably not an option in hell)How many bags can I check and is it OK to bring a fingernail clipper?Is it OK if I save time by just flushing my money down the toilet instead?
Before takeoff, can I verify that the pilots are members of my religion?"
Who would be the stewardesses, where can I apply?
What food will they be serving on this flight? Angel food cake? Any Spirits?
Could I buy a ticket for my friends? Could I buy an EXPRESS ticket for my enemies?
How long is the trip? Can I change my seat if I get a fat guy next to me for eternity?
Do you check luggage? Do we NEED luggage? In fact, it is said that we can't take anything with us so will we all be naked on the flight?
What is the safety message given by the stewardess before the flight begins? Are their floatation devices under the seats?
Does the pilot need permission to take off?

Keep them coming and I will share them.


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