"I hear you!" I say to my wife. "But you don't hear me!" is the reply.
"Did you hear me?" I ask my son as he continues to play and doesn't make a move towards going to bed.
I believe there are four definitions for hearing and it is the play between them that causes a lot of the communication errors in our lives. We hear but we don't hear. So here's my hear definitions and levels of hearing:
To hear at the surface level is to simple have someone's auditory waves go through our ears and into our brain. Often we don't even pay attention to what we hear at this level. We hear but it doesn't "sink in" or it "goes in one ear and out the other" or we simply tune it out as background noise. This is what husbands do during game time when their response is an unintelligible "un-huh."
At the next level of hearing we have what is called "listening." Now this is deeper than the first level of hearing because this involves the engagement of your mind. To get to this level of hearing you want to make eye contact. Husbands and wives, parents and kids need to get the attention of the other person, make eye contact and THEN say what they need to say. The mind is engaged and "thinking about" what it just heard.
The next level of hearing is the level of "understanding." At this level what the other person is saying is not only heard, not only thought about, but now it is understood. "Ah NOW I hear/understand you" we would say. There are many times where I will look into my wife's eyes and hear what she is saying but simply don't understand it. "I don't get it?" or "What does that mean?" is the response or we ask to repeat it again in different words.
The deepest level of hearing is the "heeding" level. Now this is a tricky one because when someone heeds you there is a sense of obedience attached. When I tell my son to go to bed I EXPECT that he heeds me. That not only does he hear my words, not only do the words sink in, and not only does he understand it, but I expect that he heeds me and DOES IT. This is the biblical "HEAR or israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is ONE!" or "I tell you the truth" says Jesus, "whoever HEARS my word and believes in him who sent me has eternal life." (John 5:24)
You can see where the communication problems occur. A son hears but doesn't heed. A spouse understands but doesn't agree so does that mean they REALLY don't understand or they just won't heed? Anybody can talk but many simply don't understand.
That is why OVER communication is asked in most situations. I can say something 5 times as an announcement, it is in the Weekly Newsletter, in the weekly email and still there are those who will say, "I never heard about it? Why didn't you tell me?"
Communication is, yes, speaking clearly but that is only 10%. SAYING SOMETHING that sinks in, is understood and heeded is the rest. Communication is, yes, hearing someone but that is only 10%. Focused attention so that you can understand and heed, if necessary, is the rest.
Do you hear what I am saying?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Rights and Responsibilities
A leader in the restaurant business, someone who lobbies the government for restaurants, was quoted as saying that it would violate the "rights' of free speech for restaurants to HAVE to post the health department's grade of their cleanliness in the window for all to see. In essence, it is their RIGHT to be dirty and not tell customers about it.
In this political season it is time for us to define rights vs. responsibilities. We seem to be abusing the word "right" quite frequently and we tend to ignore our responsibilities even more frequently.
Our Declaration of Independence tells us that we are given rights by our Creator and among these are "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It doesn't say that these three are all the rights but it does say that they come from God. The government was not established to give us rights. The government was to "establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity" according to our Constitution. The Bill of Rights then gives us our amendments to the Constitution by telling us there are "LEGAL rights" that we have in order to insure our "GOD GIVEN rights" like the freedom of speech and freedom to carry guns.
But here's the thing. We infringe on people's GOD GIVEN rights only when we don't take up our GOD GIVEN responsibilities and that has NOTHING to do with the government. We seem to have the whole thing backwards in our world today. We think we need to establish my RIGHTS through Government intervention so that others will act responsibly; THAT is backward. WE need to act responsibly so that others will have THEIR rights and then the Government can stay out of it.
Take the restaurant guy above. His belief is that it is the RIGHT of the restaurant owners to put up whatever THEY want on THEIR windows on THEIR restaurants and if a patron gets sick, well, then we'll deal with who's responsibility that is. So because of that attitude the Congress has to enact a law telling restaurant owners that they no longer have that right and the right of the patron to know their meal is safe is a higher "right" or priority.
What if. What if the owner put in BIG BOLD LETTERS that this restaurant is CERTIFIED by SOME BIG CLEANLINESS AGENCY as being the CLEANEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD. What if the restaurant owner would pay the patron twice what his sickness cost if he got sick from his food. What if the restaurant owners took RESPONSIBILITY instead of trying to avoid it. IF they would, there would be no law needed in Congress.
What if people took responsibility for their actions THEN the rights of all people would be protected and there would be VERY LITTLE NEED for Government action. What if instead of trying to deceive the most customers we attempted to educate the most customers because we had the best product or service. What if.
Take responsibility for your actions and your rights will be protected. Take only your RIGHTS without the responsibilities and you will lose both.
In this political season it is time for us to define rights vs. responsibilities. We seem to be abusing the word "right" quite frequently and we tend to ignore our responsibilities even more frequently.
Our Declaration of Independence tells us that we are given rights by our Creator and among these are "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It doesn't say that these three are all the rights but it does say that they come from God. The government was not established to give us rights. The government was to "establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity" according to our Constitution. The Bill of Rights then gives us our amendments to the Constitution by telling us there are "LEGAL rights" that we have in order to insure our "GOD GIVEN rights" like the freedom of speech and freedom to carry guns.
But here's the thing. We infringe on people's GOD GIVEN rights only when we don't take up our GOD GIVEN responsibilities and that has NOTHING to do with the government. We seem to have the whole thing backwards in our world today. We think we need to establish my RIGHTS through Government intervention so that others will act responsibly; THAT is backward. WE need to act responsibly so that others will have THEIR rights and then the Government can stay out of it.
Take the restaurant guy above. His belief is that it is the RIGHT of the restaurant owners to put up whatever THEY want on THEIR windows on THEIR restaurants and if a patron gets sick, well, then we'll deal with who's responsibility that is. So because of that attitude the Congress has to enact a law telling restaurant owners that they no longer have that right and the right of the patron to know their meal is safe is a higher "right" or priority.
What if. What if the owner put in BIG BOLD LETTERS that this restaurant is CERTIFIED by SOME BIG CLEANLINESS AGENCY as being the CLEANEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD. What if the restaurant owner would pay the patron twice what his sickness cost if he got sick from his food. What if the restaurant owners took RESPONSIBILITY instead of trying to avoid it. IF they would, there would be no law needed in Congress.
What if people took responsibility for their actions THEN the rights of all people would be protected and there would be VERY LITTLE NEED for Government action. What if instead of trying to deceive the most customers we attempted to educate the most customers because we had the best product or service. What if.
Take responsibility for your actions and your rights will be protected. Take only your RIGHTS without the responsibilities and you will lose both.
Friday, July 09, 2010
Dohicky, Thingamabob, and Whatchamacallit
These are three of the greatest words in the English language in that they say something without saying a thing. Therefore they are universal: "Hand me the dohicky, you know, the thingamabob next to the whatchamacallit." Words have meanings but these stand out in the fact that their meanings are lost in the nebulous.
Hand me the dohicky, however, doesn't get you the thingamabob very fast unless the other is a mind reader. Which could happen. When my wife wants me to give her the thingamabob I generally know what object she doesn't know the name of and can hand it to her based on our 30 years together. But that doesn't get you as far as saying "Hand me the 1/4 inch ratchet with the 9/16th socket."
Naming something USED TO require assessing the character and nature of the things named. In the biblical story Adam named the animals and I don't believe he just called them dohicky, thingamabob and watchamacallit. Genesis 2: 19 says "Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to Adam to SEE what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name." (Caps mine) God wanted to SEE what Adam would name them based on the character and nature of each animal.
Many cultures don't name their kids until they are 2 years old. They earn their name once the parents assess the character and nature of that child. To call your child Bob when he is born is the equivalent of calling him dohicky unless you have found the etymology which says: it is short for Robert and came from Germanic tribes to England and means "bright fame". Is that who your Robert, Rob, Bob, Bert is? We don't spend enough time on names and I find to many people naming their kids Thingamabob and Whatchamacallit. In Ancient Egyptian Culture the NAME was a part of the "essence" of an individual. We might have mind, soul, and body as the essence but Ancient Egyptians had five: Body, Shadow, Ka, Ba, and NAME. To abuse the NAME was to abuse the individual. When people were REALLY bad in Ancient Egypt they would scratch their NAME off any carving or hieroglyph and so erase the person.
Naming requires knowing the character and nature of the person. Using family names is significant and good. Naming based on what you HOPE that person will become is also good. Naming a name the just sounds cool is your right and privilege but is the equivalent of calling your child Dohicky.
My parents named me Steven, a form of Stephen and the Greek Stephanos which means: crown. Did my parents name me that so I would become royalty some day? Did they name me that because I was the 6th boy in the family and they were running out of names? OR maybe they named me that because I am going bald and everyone can now see my crown. Yea, that's it.
Hand me the dohicky, however, doesn't get you the thingamabob very fast unless the other is a mind reader. Which could happen. When my wife wants me to give her the thingamabob I generally know what object she doesn't know the name of and can hand it to her based on our 30 years together. But that doesn't get you as far as saying "Hand me the 1/4 inch ratchet with the 9/16th socket."
Naming something USED TO require assessing the character and nature of the things named. In the biblical story Adam named the animals and I don't believe he just called them dohicky, thingamabob and watchamacallit. Genesis 2: 19 says "Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to Adam to SEE what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name." (Caps mine) God wanted to SEE what Adam would name them based on the character and nature of each animal.
Many cultures don't name their kids until they are 2 years old. They earn their name once the parents assess the character and nature of that child. To call your child Bob when he is born is the equivalent of calling him dohicky unless you have found the etymology which says: it is short for Robert and came from Germanic tribes to England and means "bright fame". Is that who your Robert, Rob, Bob, Bert is? We don't spend enough time on names and I find to many people naming their kids Thingamabob and Whatchamacallit. In Ancient Egyptian Culture the NAME was a part of the "essence" of an individual. We might have mind, soul, and body as the essence but Ancient Egyptians had five: Body, Shadow, Ka, Ba, and NAME. To abuse the NAME was to abuse the individual. When people were REALLY bad in Ancient Egypt they would scratch their NAME off any carving or hieroglyph and so erase the person.
Naming requires knowing the character and nature of the person. Using family names is significant and good. Naming based on what you HOPE that person will become is also good. Naming a name the just sounds cool is your right and privilege but is the equivalent of calling your child Dohicky.
My parents named me Steven, a form of Stephen and the Greek Stephanos which means: crown. Did my parents name me that so I would become royalty some day? Did they name me that because I was the 6th boy in the family and they were running out of names? OR maybe they named me that because I am going bald and everyone can now see my crown. Yea, that's it.
Monday, July 05, 2010
The Creation of Religion
I was on the water by myself and far from shore. My sailboat had flipped as I leaned into the wind a little too much. Wet with waves hitting me in the face I attempted to grab the keel (now the top of the boat) to flip the sailboat upright again. Yet each time I attempted it the stronger than normal wind would push it back again. I pushed the boat in the opposite direction and pulled and it was as if the gods of wind were playing with me because the wind shifted and threw the mast and sail back into the water again. I am a good swimmer and had a life jacket on but after an hour of attempting to pull the boat upright all I could do was lay on the white underside of the boat and rest while the wind and waves attempted to beat me up. In exhaustion I was forced to believe that there was some kind of malevolent spirit at work in the universe plotting against me.
Imagine the ancients running into the same problems and wondering what was at work in the universe around them that seemed to be nothing but chaos. That chaos then came to have names in various ancient traditions: Set in Egypt, Yamm in Ugantic, Tiamat in Babylonian, Typhon in Greek and even in Jewish and Christian scripture as a Sea Serpent, Rahab and Leviathon.
Life was defined as a struggle to keep the Chaos at bay. The gods of chaos in battle with the gods that keep Chaos under control. So what can you do but "help out" the "good" gods fighting Chaos through sacrifices, worship, and rituals. Keep the good gods happy and you will keep the Chaos gods away.
Aristotle believed the particular gods came to be defined through our dreams. Our dreams had a connection with the divine and so showed us how to order the universe to prevent chaos. Euhemerus believed our gods came from ancient heroes who fought the fight against chaos. Cornutus believed that studying the names and places where the god myths came from would give insight into the gods themselves and why we worship them. They all believed in religion but reasoned that this system of beliefs and rituals came from different places.
Religion was created as system of beliefs and rituals that would keep the arbitrary and capricious nature of, well, NATURE at bay. Nature is a nasty place of death, destruction, kill or be eaten, survival of the strongest or deceptive, and scary place. Religions were created to make sense of the scary void. That is also why most religions will be polytheistic. The more gods you have the easier it is to blame one or more of them for the earthquake that just killed 1000 people. Or you can explain it as a battle between two gods resulting in an earthquake. When there is only one god involved, there is only one you can blame for the seemingly capricious killing of people. Polytheists will never wonder if god is good or not because there are simply good gods and bad gods to blame and credit for everything.
Christianity is monotheistic but believes in chaos, not as a god but as a state of NON-God. A place absent of THE-ONE-God's love and care. The REAL battle in Christianity is not the ONE-God versus some other deity but the ONE-God versus our corrupted nature. The ONE-God seeks to be placed on the throne of our lives and depose our selfish nature and therefore the commands and rituals are about denigrating self in favor of the ONE-God and others.
Commands like: love God first and then love your neighbor; if you are hit on one cheek turn the other for hitting as well; if you are asked for an overcoat give your shirt as well; don't give out of your excess but give sacrificially; whoever is the least will be the greatest; give to get; love first no matter if it is reciprocated, etc.
Christianity is a religion; as system of beliefs, but it is far different than the arbitrary battle of gods resulting in earthquakes and tsunamis. So when I was stranded on the sail boat I didn't wonder of the battle going on causing the chaos, I would ask "what is God trying to teach me here?" It isn't some cosmic battle of god vs. god but it probably is something like: "Don't go sailing in strong winds by yourself you dummy!"
Imagine the ancients running into the same problems and wondering what was at work in the universe around them that seemed to be nothing but chaos. That chaos then came to have names in various ancient traditions: Set in Egypt, Yamm in Ugantic, Tiamat in Babylonian, Typhon in Greek and even in Jewish and Christian scripture as a Sea Serpent, Rahab and Leviathon.
Life was defined as a struggle to keep the Chaos at bay. The gods of chaos in battle with the gods that keep Chaos under control. So what can you do but "help out" the "good" gods fighting Chaos through sacrifices, worship, and rituals. Keep the good gods happy and you will keep the Chaos gods away.
Aristotle believed the particular gods came to be defined through our dreams. Our dreams had a connection with the divine and so showed us how to order the universe to prevent chaos. Euhemerus believed our gods came from ancient heroes who fought the fight against chaos. Cornutus believed that studying the names and places where the god myths came from would give insight into the gods themselves and why we worship them. They all believed in religion but reasoned that this system of beliefs and rituals came from different places.
Religion was created as system of beliefs and rituals that would keep the arbitrary and capricious nature of, well, NATURE at bay. Nature is a nasty place of death, destruction, kill or be eaten, survival of the strongest or deceptive, and scary place. Religions were created to make sense of the scary void. That is also why most religions will be polytheistic. The more gods you have the easier it is to blame one or more of them for the earthquake that just killed 1000 people. Or you can explain it as a battle between two gods resulting in an earthquake. When there is only one god involved, there is only one you can blame for the seemingly capricious killing of people. Polytheists will never wonder if god is good or not because there are simply good gods and bad gods to blame and credit for everything.
Christianity is monotheistic but believes in chaos, not as a god but as a state of NON-God. A place absent of THE-ONE-God's love and care. The REAL battle in Christianity is not the ONE-God versus some other deity but the ONE-God versus our corrupted nature. The ONE-God seeks to be placed on the throne of our lives and depose our selfish nature and therefore the commands and rituals are about denigrating self in favor of the ONE-God and others.
Commands like: love God first and then love your neighbor; if you are hit on one cheek turn the other for hitting as well; if you are asked for an overcoat give your shirt as well; don't give out of your excess but give sacrificially; whoever is the least will be the greatest; give to get; love first no matter if it is reciprocated, etc.
Christianity is a religion; as system of beliefs, but it is far different than the arbitrary battle of gods resulting in earthquakes and tsunamis. So when I was stranded on the sail boat I didn't wonder of the battle going on causing the chaos, I would ask "what is God trying to teach me here?" It isn't some cosmic battle of god vs. god but it probably is something like: "Don't go sailing in strong winds by yourself you dummy!"
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Dance of Inanna
Inanna danced into the minds of the Sumerian people. It was harvest time: Inanna's time. The fruitfulness of the year was celebrated by the princes of the land and even the slaves and servants joined in the party. The dance lasted, sometimes, for weeks depending on how much grace Inanna bestowed on her people. She is the goddess of fertility, sex, and ... warfare. She is the goddess of the fever; of the dance.
You know what dance I am talking about? That dance that goes on in your heart and mind between your passions and your reasoning. Inanna is the goddess who stirs your body when you see someone beautiful of the opposite sex. Inanna is the goddess who drives you to just one more drink and everything will be better. Inanna is the goddess who stirs the fever of war, the propaganda, and the passion to fight.
The sister of Inanna in Sumerian/Mesopotamian mythology is Ereshkigal. Ereshkigal is the goddess of the aftermath. While Inanna is the goddess of the fruitful harvest, Ereshkigal is the goddess of the barren fields of winter. Inanna is the goddess of passionate, secret, and illegitimate sex; Ereshkigal is the goddess of guilt in the aftermath. Inanna is the goddess of life and Ereshkigal was relegated to the goddess of the afterlife or underworld.
Yet Inanna was not happy being just the goddess of the college party of life; she wanted more. She went to the underworld to confront her sister who suspected she was up to something. At each gate of the underworld, in order to pass, Inanna was forced to give up some of her jewelry and clothes which was her power until finally she confronted her sister to conquer her but found her drive to control had stripped her of all her power and her sister easily overpowered her. In the myth with Inanna gone the world became fruitless. No crops, no children, no parties. The other gods saw the problem and pleaded with Ereshkigal to release her sister which she agreed to by requiring someone to take her place. While all Inanna's friends mourned for her she found her husband simply reading under a tree and she sent him to the underworld in her place. Yet six months of the year she pines for him and so we have the fall and winter months of unfruitfulness.
While ancient myths are not true they do convey some truths. Guilt and barrenness will follow the mindless caving in to your passions as sure as fall and winter follow summer. The inability of your reason to stop you passion will not only hurt you but hurt those you love.
Too often today we look for remedies for the hangover instead of stopping the drinking; we look for counselors who will tell us to ignore the guilt instead of seeking repentance for the sin and STOPPING the action. We all dance the dance of Inanna. The question is who will lead, who is the stronger: your reason and self discipline or your passion and weaknesses? Your dance, your decision.
You know what dance I am talking about? That dance that goes on in your heart and mind between your passions and your reasoning. Inanna is the goddess who stirs your body when you see someone beautiful of the opposite sex. Inanna is the goddess who drives you to just one more drink and everything will be better. Inanna is the goddess who stirs the fever of war, the propaganda, and the passion to fight.
The sister of Inanna in Sumerian/Mesopotamian mythology is Ereshkigal. Ereshkigal is the goddess of the aftermath. While Inanna is the goddess of the fruitful harvest, Ereshkigal is the goddess of the barren fields of winter. Inanna is the goddess of passionate, secret, and illegitimate sex; Ereshkigal is the goddess of guilt in the aftermath. Inanna is the goddess of life and Ereshkigal was relegated to the goddess of the afterlife or underworld.
Yet Inanna was not happy being just the goddess of the college party of life; she wanted more. She went to the underworld to confront her sister who suspected she was up to something. At each gate of the underworld, in order to pass, Inanna was forced to give up some of her jewelry and clothes which was her power until finally she confronted her sister to conquer her but found her drive to control had stripped her of all her power and her sister easily overpowered her. In the myth with Inanna gone the world became fruitless. No crops, no children, no parties. The other gods saw the problem and pleaded with Ereshkigal to release her sister which she agreed to by requiring someone to take her place. While all Inanna's friends mourned for her she found her husband simply reading under a tree and she sent him to the underworld in her place. Yet six months of the year she pines for him and so we have the fall and winter months of unfruitfulness.
While ancient myths are not true they do convey some truths. Guilt and barrenness will follow the mindless caving in to your passions as sure as fall and winter follow summer. The inability of your reason to stop you passion will not only hurt you but hurt those you love.
Too often today we look for remedies for the hangover instead of stopping the drinking; we look for counselors who will tell us to ignore the guilt instead of seeking repentance for the sin and STOPPING the action. We all dance the dance of Inanna. The question is who will lead, who is the stronger: your reason and self discipline or your passion and weaknesses? Your dance, your decision.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Pain and Suffering II
Pain should be considered a POSITIVE thing while suffering should be considered a NEGATIVE thing.
"Pain tells you that you are still alive" yells a Marine buddy of mine, when I complain about my knee. "Pain tells you there is something wrong" says my chiropractic friend, "You don't want to kill the pain, you want to find the source and fix it." CS Lewis tells us that pain is God's megaphone to stop and pay attention to him. So pain is a positive thing when it tells you that you are alive, it gives you a barometer of something wrong that needs to be fixed, and pain tells you to slow down and focus on the important stuff.
Suffering, on the other hand, is a result of injustice, inaction, and just plain SIN in people's lives. Suffering happens as a result of poor/bad choices by people. A few men choose to fly an airplane into a building and people suffer. Choosing alcohol or gambling over responsibility causes suffering in addiction and broken relationships. We all suffer because of OUR bad choices and because of the bad choices of others.
Pain of the heart is good. It promotes growth and maturity when a teenage crush crumbles. It shows compassion and even spurs to action when the pain is caused by the suffering of others. It shows a healthy conscious when pain of the heart is a result of guilt in a wrong you have done.
Suffering of the heart is bad. Suffering of the heart is the damage that the heart experiences in abuse and causes a person to be closed and cold.
My six knees surgeries caused me to walk funny. After a few years of walking funny I developed hip problems and experience a sharp click every time I lift my leg to put on pants. The knee, the walking funny, the hip issue all have now (35 years after my first surgery) led to a bulge on my lower spine which makes me change the way I sleep and how much I lift. Is this pain or suffering?
It's pain because the knee surgeries forced me to leave basketball and focus on other things and those other things put me where I am now.
It's suffering because as a 15 year old in the hospital I didn't deserve what happened to me.
It's pain because as a 50 year old I know I have never been innocent.
It's suffering because I know if I really wanted to work at my rehab I probably could have prevented a few of the surgeries and had less pain now.
It's pain because my heart was broken because I lost something every Indiana farm boy dreams of doing: playing basketball. BUT that broken heart lead to me being a more compassionate and less prideful person.
Pain and suffering go hand in hand and it is hard to separate the two. In YOUR mind and through YOUR pain seek what you can learn, how you can grow, and what you can change. If you do this you can turn suffering into pain, pain into growth, and growth into character.
"Pain tells you that you are still alive" yells a Marine buddy of mine, when I complain about my knee. "Pain tells you there is something wrong" says my chiropractic friend, "You don't want to kill the pain, you want to find the source and fix it." CS Lewis tells us that pain is God's megaphone to stop and pay attention to him. So pain is a positive thing when it tells you that you are alive, it gives you a barometer of something wrong that needs to be fixed, and pain tells you to slow down and focus on the important stuff.
Suffering, on the other hand, is a result of injustice, inaction, and just plain SIN in people's lives. Suffering happens as a result of poor/bad choices by people. A few men choose to fly an airplane into a building and people suffer. Choosing alcohol or gambling over responsibility causes suffering in addiction and broken relationships. We all suffer because of OUR bad choices and because of the bad choices of others.
Pain of the heart is good. It promotes growth and maturity when a teenage crush crumbles. It shows compassion and even spurs to action when the pain is caused by the suffering of others. It shows a healthy conscious when pain of the heart is a result of guilt in a wrong you have done.
Suffering of the heart is bad. Suffering of the heart is the damage that the heart experiences in abuse and causes a person to be closed and cold.
My six knees surgeries caused me to walk funny. After a few years of walking funny I developed hip problems and experience a sharp click every time I lift my leg to put on pants. The knee, the walking funny, the hip issue all have now (35 years after my first surgery) led to a bulge on my lower spine which makes me change the way I sleep and how much I lift. Is this pain or suffering?
It's pain because the knee surgeries forced me to leave basketball and focus on other things and those other things put me where I am now.
It's suffering because as a 15 year old in the hospital I didn't deserve what happened to me.
It's pain because as a 50 year old I know I have never been innocent.
It's suffering because I know if I really wanted to work at my rehab I probably could have prevented a few of the surgeries and had less pain now.
It's pain because my heart was broken because I lost something every Indiana farm boy dreams of doing: playing basketball. BUT that broken heart lead to me being a more compassionate and less prideful person.
Pain and suffering go hand in hand and it is hard to separate the two. In YOUR mind and through YOUR pain seek what you can learn, how you can grow, and what you can change. If you do this you can turn suffering into pain, pain into growth, and growth into character.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Pain and Suffering
Pain is a part of my life. It is kind of like that unwanted relative that sticks around for so long that you have learned to live with them. This has caused me to wax philosophical about the concept of pain. I remember many times Pain has caught up with me when I was bent over working and attempted to straighten up; Pain stuck one of its claws into my lower back squeezed. I remember being dumped by a girl in High School and every time that girl walked into the same classroom Pain rapped another claw around my heart and squeezed.
There have been many quotes about suffering and pain and many stories to follow them up so let me try to glean a little philosophical wisdom and place them into bite sized chunks for you to swallow.
Pain originally was related to criminal punishment. It is from the French "peine" or Latin "poena" both of which stand for penalty paid with "torment, hardship, of suffering". The Greek "poine" includes a sense of atonement, payment or compensation. In the early 1900's it was distorted to someone "being a pain" which is someone irritating or annoying. By the 1930's it had been more localized as someone being a "pain in the neck" or a "pain in the butt" AND by 1950's there were drugs described as "pain-killers". So by that time the thought grew that pain was no longer positive (punishment or payment for something you did wrong) it was negative (something everybody had, an annoyance that had to be killed).
Suffering, on the other hand, was something that you had to endure without any moral cause as to why. You could suffer because of a wrong you committed or suffer from something you had nothing to do with. Suffer from Latin means to "bear, endure, carry or put up with" Late 13th century we find writing that translates suffer as "tolerate, or allow" as in the biblical "suffer the little children to come to me."
So much for WHAT is pain and suffering. Now to the more difficult WHY of pain and suffering. WHY does my knee constantly hurt? Because I had six surgeries on it? Because I sinned in High School right before my first surgery? Because God doesn't like basketball and wanted me to quit? Because of Adam and Eve's original sin that was born in me? Because the guy who passed the basketball to me hated me and wanted my knee to buckle? Because God had a better plan for me than being a basketball star? Because my tennis shoe manufacturer skimped on quality control and caused my knee to buckle? Because God wanted to teach me a lesson? Because God wanted to test my patience or curb my ego? Because God didn't like the girl I was dating (the one that dumped me in the story above after my first surgery)? Because Satan made me do it so I would be angry at God? Because there were little demons on the court that caused the buckling? Because my doctors messed up and so now I am still in pain? Because I like pain? Because pain is random and it was my turn?
Which of these is true? The answer is "yes" and more on that next time.
There have been many quotes about suffering and pain and many stories to follow them up so let me try to glean a little philosophical wisdom and place them into bite sized chunks for you to swallow.
Pain originally was related to criminal punishment. It is from the French "peine" or Latin "poena" both of which stand for penalty paid with "torment, hardship, of suffering". The Greek "poine" includes a sense of atonement, payment or compensation. In the early 1900's it was distorted to someone "being a pain" which is someone irritating or annoying. By the 1930's it had been more localized as someone being a "pain in the neck" or a "pain in the butt" AND by 1950's there were drugs described as "pain-killers". So by that time the thought grew that pain was no longer positive (punishment or payment for something you did wrong) it was negative (something everybody had, an annoyance that had to be killed).
Suffering, on the other hand, was something that you had to endure without any moral cause as to why. You could suffer because of a wrong you committed or suffer from something you had nothing to do with. Suffer from Latin means to "bear, endure, carry or put up with" Late 13th century we find writing that translates suffer as "tolerate, or allow" as in the biblical "suffer the little children to come to me."
So much for WHAT is pain and suffering. Now to the more difficult WHY of pain and suffering. WHY does my knee constantly hurt? Because I had six surgeries on it? Because I sinned in High School right before my first surgery? Because God doesn't like basketball and wanted me to quit? Because of Adam and Eve's original sin that was born in me? Because the guy who passed the basketball to me hated me and wanted my knee to buckle? Because God had a better plan for me than being a basketball star? Because my tennis shoe manufacturer skimped on quality control and caused my knee to buckle? Because God wanted to teach me a lesson? Because God wanted to test my patience or curb my ego? Because God didn't like the girl I was dating (the one that dumped me in the story above after my first surgery)? Because Satan made me do it so I would be angry at God? Because there were little demons on the court that caused the buckling? Because my doctors messed up and so now I am still in pain? Because I like pain? Because pain is random and it was my turn?
Which of these is true? The answer is "yes" and more on that next time.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Al Capone
Al was a used-furniture salesman from New York who was born to Italian immigrants in 1899 and moved to Chicago along with his wife in 1923. His cousin's husband was having problems with a few rowdy neighborhood twentysomethings and asked Al for help after repeated attempt to control them. Al, a devout Roman Catholic, calmly went to these men and shot at least 5 of them dead. His cousin's husband didn't have problems with them anymore. This Italian philosopher said, "you can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
As a young and fresh new supervisor I sought to befriend all my employees and make my department the best run and most fun place to work in the company. In my OCD way I kept a notebook where I would track the name of the spouse and children of each of my employees and any home issues they were dealing with so that when I went and talked to them I could ask: "How's your wife Jean doing? I remember you said her mom passed away." or "How's little Johnny doing in school?" When there were family emergencies I would allow them to leave early or come in late. I would sit with them on breaks and, together, we would walk back to the department just a few minutes late. This all worked great for about six weeks.
After six weeks I found a surprising amount of family emergencies happening. After six weeks the fifteen minute break was now almost a half hour. After six weeks my fellow supervisors came up to me and told me I had to do something about my department. At first I argued that we were not getting behind and we were getting our work done AND getting it done in less time than other departments AND my people were enjoying their jobs more than the employees in the other departments. That excuse worked until about eight weeks.
At eight weeks began to gently nudge my employees out of the break room. I began to say: "This is the third time your mom has died this month? I don't think I can let you leave early." This didn't stop the flow of undisciplined workers running my department. So I pulled out my gun and shot a few of them.
At a department meeting where I pulled out my 45 and placed it on the table in front of them, I laid down the rules. "I am no longer your friend, I am your boss. I apologize to you that I let it get this far but it is time to crack down on the long breaks, long lunches and absences." Then I picked up the 45 and explained what would happen if they didn't follow the company rules. It took a few shots and one firing for them to know I was serious about our new relationship but after a while I could put my 45 back in my desk drawer.
Why do we do that? Why do we seek to push against the rules until we find the place where someone gets hurt? Why do we take advantage of each other until our relationship breaks? Some crazy psychobabblers will tell you that the problem is not the breaking of the rules but it is the rules themselves. If we didn't have rules then there would be no pain in breaking them. Even an uneducated used-furniture salesman/gangster knew better than that. Now obviously we can go too far, and have, but the balance between vinegar and the honey, kind words and a gun, is what we are looking for. You cannot have one without the other. Honey and kind words alone will lead to anarchy. Vinegar and a gun alone will lead to totalitarianism. BALANCE is what we need to vote for. And as Al said in another famous quote: "Vote early and vote often!"
As a young and fresh new supervisor I sought to befriend all my employees and make my department the best run and most fun place to work in the company. In my OCD way I kept a notebook where I would track the name of the spouse and children of each of my employees and any home issues they were dealing with so that when I went and talked to them I could ask: "How's your wife Jean doing? I remember you said her mom passed away." or "How's little Johnny doing in school?" When there were family emergencies I would allow them to leave early or come in late. I would sit with them on breaks and, together, we would walk back to the department just a few minutes late. This all worked great for about six weeks.
After six weeks I found a surprising amount of family emergencies happening. After six weeks the fifteen minute break was now almost a half hour. After six weeks my fellow supervisors came up to me and told me I had to do something about my department. At first I argued that we were not getting behind and we were getting our work done AND getting it done in less time than other departments AND my people were enjoying their jobs more than the employees in the other departments. That excuse worked until about eight weeks.
At eight weeks began to gently nudge my employees out of the break room. I began to say: "This is the third time your mom has died this month? I don't think I can let you leave early." This didn't stop the flow of undisciplined workers running my department. So I pulled out my gun and shot a few of them.
At a department meeting where I pulled out my 45 and placed it on the table in front of them, I laid down the rules. "I am no longer your friend, I am your boss. I apologize to you that I let it get this far but it is time to crack down on the long breaks, long lunches and absences." Then I picked up the 45 and explained what would happen if they didn't follow the company rules. It took a few shots and one firing for them to know I was serious about our new relationship but after a while I could put my 45 back in my desk drawer.
Why do we do that? Why do we seek to push against the rules until we find the place where someone gets hurt? Why do we take advantage of each other until our relationship breaks? Some crazy psychobabblers will tell you that the problem is not the breaking of the rules but it is the rules themselves. If we didn't have rules then there would be no pain in breaking them. Even an uneducated used-furniture salesman/gangster knew better than that. Now obviously we can go too far, and have, but the balance between vinegar and the honey, kind words and a gun, is what we are looking for. You cannot have one without the other. Honey and kind words alone will lead to anarchy. Vinegar and a gun alone will lead to totalitarianism. BALANCE is what we need to vote for. And as Al said in another famous quote: "Vote early and vote often!"
The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY truth
"There is no good or bad," said an acquaintance of mine "There is only actions and non-actions."
"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously. He seemed like such a smart guy.
"Absolutely! You either act or don't act. There is not good or bad involved because what I think is good you may think is bad and vice versa. So all we are left with is actions."
Instead of answering him I simply slapped him across the face - pretty hard. You can guess his reaction.
"So was that a GOOD action or a BAD one?" I asked
"You don't just go around HITTIN' people!" he angrily exclaimed.
I held up my finger in his face and said, "YOU told me there was no good or bad and now you are making a moral judgment that I'm not supposed to hit people?"
He went away, I never saw him again, and I might have to re-evaluate my belief in slap therapy. There IS good and bad so the question is how do you know GOOD from BAD? Let me give you a few hints:
- If it is quick and done "without thinking" then it is probably bad.
- If it is done in secret, it is probably bad.
- If you wouldn't tell your mom about it, it is probably bad.
- If the hurt helps you grow it might be good.
- If the hurt caused anger, resentment, and deep-seated garbage; then it probably is bad. But it may not be the hurt that is bad, it may just be your reaction to the hurt.
- If your "friends" are only friends when the pull you down then they are bad.
- If your "friends" challenge you to be better they're good.
- Thinking ONLY of self is bad.
- Thinking mainly of others is good.
- Considering the world is so lucky to have you around that it should pay you for just breathing: bad.
- Considering yourself indebted to others: good.
Is the major decision you have to make a good one or a bad one? You must do three things to know: Pray then ask good friends what they think; pray while spending time reading the Bible and it will become clearer; Pray while feeing out your heart, what is your heart telling you? if these three agree, go for it. If only two agree keep searching. If you are out of time and you must decide when they don't agree don't do it. I cannot imagine a real scenario where you have to decide and a delay for prayer and decision making will cause harm.
Expose yourself to the good and not the bad. Make good decisions and don't be swayed into bad ones. At the end of your life you will look back and have a sense of joy and peace and that is the goal isn't it?
"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously. He seemed like such a smart guy.
"Absolutely! You either act or don't act. There is not good or bad involved because what I think is good you may think is bad and vice versa. So all we are left with is actions."
Instead of answering him I simply slapped him across the face - pretty hard. You can guess his reaction.
"So was that a GOOD action or a BAD one?" I asked
"You don't just go around HITTIN' people!" he angrily exclaimed.
I held up my finger in his face and said, "YOU told me there was no good or bad and now you are making a moral judgment that I'm not supposed to hit people?"
He went away, I never saw him again, and I might have to re-evaluate my belief in slap therapy. There IS good and bad so the question is how do you know GOOD from BAD? Let me give you a few hints:
- If it is quick and done "without thinking" then it is probably bad.
- If it is done in secret, it is probably bad.
- If you wouldn't tell your mom about it, it is probably bad.
- If the hurt helps you grow it might be good.
- If the hurt caused anger, resentment, and deep-seated garbage; then it probably is bad. But it may not be the hurt that is bad, it may just be your reaction to the hurt.
- If your "friends" are only friends when the pull you down then they are bad.
- If your "friends" challenge you to be better they're good.
- Thinking ONLY of self is bad.
- Thinking mainly of others is good.
- Considering the world is so lucky to have you around that it should pay you for just breathing: bad.
- Considering yourself indebted to others: good.
Is the major decision you have to make a good one or a bad one? You must do three things to know: Pray then ask good friends what they think; pray while spending time reading the Bible and it will become clearer; Pray while feeing out your heart, what is your heart telling you? if these three agree, go for it. If only two agree keep searching. If you are out of time and you must decide when they don't agree don't do it. I cannot imagine a real scenario where you have to decide and a delay for prayer and decision making will cause harm.
Expose yourself to the good and not the bad. Make good decisions and don't be swayed into bad ones. At the end of your life you will look back and have a sense of joy and peace and that is the goal isn't it?
Monday, May 17, 2010
Exposing Yourself
The kids were giggling like crazy as we played outside on a hot summer day. We had a "kiddie" pool but within minutes it was as warm as the ambient air. The only source of coolness was the garden hose. With towels wrapped protectively around their heads and held there by their upraised arms like a boxer defending against the opponent's blows the kids tried to keep the stream from hitting them with a full-on facial. I manned the hose with my thumb on the end to get the pressured stream as the three of them giggled and briefly exposed their face and upper body. I would quickly switch from one to the other "just missing" each of them as they closed up again. But every now and again I would catch one of them exposing a little too long and they would get a mouthful and nose-full of cool well water. Now only two kids were giggling while the third caught their breath and dealt with the sting up the nose.
You have so many options in this world now that you can expose yourself to; what do you chose and how do you chose what to open up to? This becomes an important question because your exposures have a lot to do with the kind of person you turn out to be.
Expose yourself to bad and you will get used to and maybe even become bad.
Expose yourself to good and you will get used to and maybe even become good.
Expose yourself to get-rich-quick and you will fixate on money.
Expose yourself to the smart and wise and you will be too.
Expose yourself to anger and you will be angry.
Expose yourself to love and you will experience love.
Expose yourself to fast food and you will crave the Big Mac or some King sandwich.
Expose yourself to art and you will appreciate it, understand it, and seek to make it.
The wisest man who ever lived said "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Solomon knew the GIGO principal. (Garbage In Garbage Out; Good In Good Out) We all know that principal but most of the time we believe we can hold that towel and our arms over our face and not get blasted up the nose with the BAD. We do this because the BAD has a better PR firm working for it. BAD looks so tempting to us while GOOD looks so boring. BAD is instant gratification and GOOD is delayed. A Big Mac and a La-Z-Boy now is so much more appealing than celery and a gym.
Next time we will discuss GOOD vs. BAD and how to decide between them, but for now learn from the sting of water up your nose and don't do it again. Guard carefully what you expose yourself to.
You have so many options in this world now that you can expose yourself to; what do you chose and how do you chose what to open up to? This becomes an important question because your exposures have a lot to do with the kind of person you turn out to be.
Expose yourself to bad and you will get used to and maybe even become bad.
Expose yourself to good and you will get used to and maybe even become good.
Expose yourself to get-rich-quick and you will fixate on money.
Expose yourself to the smart and wise and you will be too.
Expose yourself to anger and you will be angry.
Expose yourself to love and you will experience love.
Expose yourself to fast food and you will crave the Big Mac or some King sandwich.
Expose yourself to art and you will appreciate it, understand it, and seek to make it.
The wisest man who ever lived said "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Solomon knew the GIGO principal. (Garbage In Garbage Out; Good In Good Out) We all know that principal but most of the time we believe we can hold that towel and our arms over our face and not get blasted up the nose with the BAD. We do this because the BAD has a better PR firm working for it. BAD looks so tempting to us while GOOD looks so boring. BAD is instant gratification and GOOD is delayed. A Big Mac and a La-Z-Boy now is so much more appealing than celery and a gym.
Next time we will discuss GOOD vs. BAD and how to decide between them, but for now learn from the sting of water up your nose and don't do it again. Guard carefully what you expose yourself to.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Unmanaged Time
"Where did all the time go!"
"Boy that hour FLEW by!"
"I just don't know where that day went!"
"I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner!"
"What have I done with my life!"
All these statements we have all heard and they all relate to the passing of time. Why does time fly by? Why do hours, days, weeks and even YEARS fly by before we "know" it? Why does it seem kids grow up too fast? I have written a LOT about time management and you can look up my columns on this over the last 5 years on my blog but I have a new twist for you on time management.
Here you go; are you ready? This is a pearl of wisdom that could change your life if you let it: "Unmanaged time flows to your weaknesses." There ya go, if you understand the implications of this then time will NEVER again fly by, you will find joy in life and it will cure acne. Well, the last one there was kind of a stretch but let's think about this.
If you don't manage your time it doesn't just disappear it FLOWS to your weaknesses, your habits, your laziness, or your closet sins. Unmanaged time is NOT freedom, unmanaged time is bondage due to a lack of self-discipline. Say you have a tendency to play computer games and you have a "spare" hour before you go to work; what do you do? You quick hop on the computer and play and "before you know it" you are late for work. Say you got off work early and you had a few extra bucks in your britches so you stop at the local casino and slide the dough in the slot and "BOY , that hour flew by!" and now you are late in getting home and have to explain where you were. Unmanaged time flows to you weaknesses.
Why not use that extra time to exercise (you know you need it) or to see mom and dad (you know you should) or take your kids/grandkids out for ice cream (you haven't spent much time with them lately to know what's going on in their lives). Why not PLAN what to do in the 24 hours God has given you and not just let it flow away into a malaise of regret. Here are a couple of helps to stop that flow of unmanaged time:
- Carry that book that you want to read with you so you can read it while waiting in line or when you get a few "extra" minutes.
- NEVER watch TV without an exercise weight. If you get too tired to keep it up you have to turn it off.
- Take online classes instead of online games.
- PLAN to see and spend times with friends and family, don't just EXPECT it to happen.
- Get a hobby that "trips your trigger" like photography, coin collecting, bird watching, or whatever to channel that flow time when it becomes free.
I am NOT saying that watching TV, playing video games, gambling or even extra sleep is BAD. What I am saying is that IF your time flows into your areas of weakness you will forever be wondering what happened to your time, and so your LIFE. You will forever be behind, running to catch up, and wondering "what happened to all that time?"
"Boy that hour FLEW by!"
"I just don't know where that day went!"
"I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner!"
"What have I done with my life!"
All these statements we have all heard and they all relate to the passing of time. Why does time fly by? Why do hours, days, weeks and even YEARS fly by before we "know" it? Why does it seem kids grow up too fast? I have written a LOT about time management and you can look up my columns on this over the last 5 years on my blog but I have a new twist for you on time management.
Here you go; are you ready? This is a pearl of wisdom that could change your life if you let it: "Unmanaged time flows to your weaknesses." There ya go, if you understand the implications of this then time will NEVER again fly by, you will find joy in life and it will cure acne. Well, the last one there was kind of a stretch but let's think about this.
If you don't manage your time it doesn't just disappear it FLOWS to your weaknesses, your habits, your laziness, or your closet sins. Unmanaged time is NOT freedom, unmanaged time is bondage due to a lack of self-discipline. Say you have a tendency to play computer games and you have a "spare" hour before you go to work; what do you do? You quick hop on the computer and play and "before you know it" you are late for work. Say you got off work early and you had a few extra bucks in your britches so you stop at the local casino and slide the dough in the slot and "BOY , that hour flew by!" and now you are late in getting home and have to explain where you were. Unmanaged time flows to you weaknesses.
Why not use that extra time to exercise (you know you need it) or to see mom and dad (you know you should) or take your kids/grandkids out for ice cream (you haven't spent much time with them lately to know what's going on in their lives). Why not PLAN what to do in the 24 hours God has given you and not just let it flow away into a malaise of regret. Here are a couple of helps to stop that flow of unmanaged time:
- Carry that book that you want to read with you so you can read it while waiting in line or when you get a few "extra" minutes.
- NEVER watch TV without an exercise weight. If you get too tired to keep it up you have to turn it off.
- Take online classes instead of online games.
- PLAN to see and spend times with friends and family, don't just EXPECT it to happen.
- Get a hobby that "trips your trigger" like photography, coin collecting, bird watching, or whatever to channel that flow time when it becomes free.
I am NOT saying that watching TV, playing video games, gambling or even extra sleep is BAD. What I am saying is that IF your time flows into your areas of weakness you will forever be wondering what happened to your time, and so your LIFE. You will forever be behind, running to catch up, and wondering "what happened to all that time?"
Monday, May 03, 2010
My Last Nerve
Have you ever heard of "Prince Rupert's Drops"? You should have because they probably have saved your life or the life of one of your loved ones. Rupert, Count Palatine of the Rhine, Duke of Bavaria lived from 1619-1682 and was generally considered a military man. When he retired from war he was an amateur scientist and most of his "discoveries" were really just stolen from true scientists with his better PR. He brought them to the king FIRST and had them published. So you could say he discovered them but he discovered them on the work bench of a competitor.
One of these "discoveries" was a drop of glass which he demonstrated before King Charles II. They looked like simple drops of glass yet when he took a hammer to them they didn't break. Dramatically, he asked a strong looking WWF soldier to pound on it with a bigger hammer, yet it didn't shatter or even crack. Then to even greater PT Barnum-type fanfare he took a simple tweezers and asked all to stand back as he broke the tail of the glass tear-drop and it exploded into a million pieces.
The discovery was something that we, today, call tempered glass. The principle is to take molten glass and quickly cool it in water. So quickly that the surface hardens while the center is still molten. The cooling glass contracts and caused the interior glass to be pressurized at it cools. That pressurized glass becomes amazingly strong and IF it breaks it will shatter into millions of pieces instead of dangerous shards. This has been perfected into the safety glass we all have in our cars, windows, and doors.
Prince Rupert's Drops had one flaw that today's glass has eliminated. The tail on the tear drop was its weakness. You could pound all day on the stress filled drop but a simple snap of the weak-point would cause the whole drop to explode. Kind of sounds like some people I know.
I went to the cubicle of a coworker a number of years ago and remember a bright red poster that said "I'm working on my last nerve and you're standing on it!" A good friend who was the most gentle man you would ever run into was asked a simple question like "how's it going?" and he blew up at the guy in one of the largest displays of anger and release I have ever seen. Pent up stress can do that, all it takes is a little nip at the tail and an explosion occurs.
What we all need are pressure release valves. Do you have yours? A few of mine are working with plants and my lawn outside, a movie, or simply floating in my pool. What are your pressure releases? What keeps the hot molten glass inside you from building pressure until it explodes at its weakest point? Pressure and stress can build strength and make you a stronger person but eventually that will have to be released. Make sure the release is not shattering.
One of these "discoveries" was a drop of glass which he demonstrated before King Charles II. They looked like simple drops of glass yet when he took a hammer to them they didn't break. Dramatically, he asked a strong looking WWF soldier to pound on it with a bigger hammer, yet it didn't shatter or even crack. Then to even greater PT Barnum-type fanfare he took a simple tweezers and asked all to stand back as he broke the tail of the glass tear-drop and it exploded into a million pieces.
The discovery was something that we, today, call tempered glass. The principle is to take molten glass and quickly cool it in water. So quickly that the surface hardens while the center is still molten. The cooling glass contracts and caused the interior glass to be pressurized at it cools. That pressurized glass becomes amazingly strong and IF it breaks it will shatter into millions of pieces instead of dangerous shards. This has been perfected into the safety glass we all have in our cars, windows, and doors.
Prince Rupert's Drops had one flaw that today's glass has eliminated. The tail on the tear drop was its weakness. You could pound all day on the stress filled drop but a simple snap of the weak-point would cause the whole drop to explode. Kind of sounds like some people I know.
I went to the cubicle of a coworker a number of years ago and remember a bright red poster that said "I'm working on my last nerve and you're standing on it!" A good friend who was the most gentle man you would ever run into was asked a simple question like "how's it going?" and he blew up at the guy in one of the largest displays of anger and release I have ever seen. Pent up stress can do that, all it takes is a little nip at the tail and an explosion occurs.
What we all need are pressure release valves. Do you have yours? A few of mine are working with plants and my lawn outside, a movie, or simply floating in my pool. What are your pressure releases? What keeps the hot molten glass inside you from building pressure until it explodes at its weakest point? Pressure and stress can build strength and make you a stronger person but eventually that will have to be released. Make sure the release is not shattering.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Schadenfreude
I was calmly eating with a friend of mine at a deli-type restaurant and a waitress goes by with a tray full of glasses and coffee cups that she had just bussed from a table. A woman's purse lay in a place that was unexpected and as the waitress rushed past the table she caught the purse. You can guess what happened: the glasses and cups made a loud crash as they broke into a million pieces, the silverware added a light percussion as they bounced, and the cry of surprise seemed to echo in the deli. Everyone heard it and some gasped, some had a direct inhalation of air until they found she was okay, others helped her up, but some, and not just a few, some cheered and applauded.
In a Simpson's episode Ned Flander's business is failing and Lisa has to explain to Homer that he is feeling "schadenfreude" a German word for taking pleasure in the suffering of others. The Broadway show Avenue Q sings of schadenfreude as "me being glad that I am not YOU!" and "Don't you feel all warm and cozy when you see people out in the rain." Homer remarks, "Those Germans have a word for everything!"
Solomon, in Proverbs tells us "Do not gloat when you enemy falls; when he stumbles do not rejoice or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him." We know it is wrong and we often feel guilty about it but there is something in us that celebrates when an enemy falls.
The Greeks had the concept pegged as "epikhairekakos" which means taking pleasure in another's ill fortune. But they also had the opposite but SAME response of "phthonos" when means getting pain from another's GOOD fortune.
Wow ... I just realized that was a broad brush stroke from the Simpsons to Broadway to German to Ancient Hebrew poetry and finally to Ancient Greek philosophy ... all because a waitress dropped her tray. But I think that just proves how prevalent schadenfreude is. EVERYBODY deals with it.
Our nature tends to lift ourselves through denigrating others. We feel better about ourselves because others are worse off. Or we are upset because others have good things happening to them. But we are not animals, we can fight our nature. We can decide to help the waitress. We can decide to rejoice in the good things of others. We can decide to shove schadenfreude to the shelf and live a life of joy not matter the circumstances. We CAN decide. I think it is called fahrvergnuegen ... those Germans have a word for everything.
In a Simpson's episode Ned Flander's business is failing and Lisa has to explain to Homer that he is feeling "schadenfreude" a German word for taking pleasure in the suffering of others. The Broadway show Avenue Q sings of schadenfreude as "me being glad that I am not YOU!" and "Don't you feel all warm and cozy when you see people out in the rain." Homer remarks, "Those Germans have a word for everything!"
Solomon, in Proverbs tells us "Do not gloat when you enemy falls; when he stumbles do not rejoice or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him." We know it is wrong and we often feel guilty about it but there is something in us that celebrates when an enemy falls.
The Greeks had the concept pegged as "epikhairekakos" which means taking pleasure in another's ill fortune. But they also had the opposite but SAME response of "phthonos" when means getting pain from another's GOOD fortune.
Wow ... I just realized that was a broad brush stroke from the Simpsons to Broadway to German to Ancient Hebrew poetry and finally to Ancient Greek philosophy ... all because a waitress dropped her tray. But I think that just proves how prevalent schadenfreude is. EVERYBODY deals with it.
Our nature tends to lift ourselves through denigrating others. We feel better about ourselves because others are worse off. Or we are upset because others have good things happening to them. But we are not animals, we can fight our nature. We can decide to help the waitress. We can decide to rejoice in the good things of others. We can decide to shove schadenfreude to the shelf and live a life of joy not matter the circumstances. We CAN decide. I think it is called fahrvergnuegen ... those Germans have a word for everything.
Monday, April 19, 2010
We Suck at Receiving Gifts
When you sell something to me we exchange items of value. I give you money and you give me something, or some service and the deal is done. We each go away with what we started with only in a different form. You got money lost the thing, I got the thing and lost the money. Even Steven. This is good, and it works and it is what most economies are based on.
But what if I gave you more money than you asked for? What if you gave me more "stuff" than I paid for? There is an imbalance created, a vacuum, and nature abhors a vacuum. The imbalance must be resolved.
In Native American tradition in the Pacific Northwest giving was a sign of power. A powerful chief would give away everything he owned as a sign of his wealth and power. This was called "potlatch". Think of the power and confidence behind that kind of a gift, that kind of an imbalance!
We sometimes resolve the gift imbalance by acknowledging the givers creativity and insight. Artists do this when they put a painting in a museum or a song out on the internet. "Here's a free gift" they say. We don't pay for it but we acknowledge it and then, if it is good or powerful, we pass it on and we become givers by sharing with others.
Sometimes we repair the imbalance of a gift by becoming closer to the giver. What was a simple transaction in business now becomes a friend to a friend. We develop a sense of preferred customers, vendors or clients because of the gift.
BUT sometimes we develop a sense of resentment. "Why are you rich and powerful and I am not?" so a cycle of dependency is created "You NEED to give to me because you are rich and powerful!" This gifting hurts both parties.
The key to giving gifts is in the sense of FORWARD motivation. If my gift to you inspires you to do something so you can give to another and another and so on; then the gift has a forward momentum. If my gift to you causes you to resent me and begin to EXPECT that gift or an BIGGER one next time and the next and so on; then my gift has a negative momentum that is destructive to both of us.
People love to give gifts. Not just because of the sense of power like the Native American Chief but simply because that is how we were built by God. But as receivers of gifts we generally suck. We don't know how to receive gifts. We become resentful and dependent.
So here is your quick primer on receiving a gift: 1] Thank the giver profusely and ask if there is anything that you can give them in return. 2] Understand the gift is from the heart and a love for you, or just people in general and don't resent it. 3] When the opportunity presents itself (and it WILL) give back, not necessarily to the one who gave to you (in fact, it would be better if not because the joy then spreads). 4] Lather, rinse and REPEAT!
But what if I gave you more money than you asked for? What if you gave me more "stuff" than I paid for? There is an imbalance created, a vacuum, and nature abhors a vacuum. The imbalance must be resolved.
In Native American tradition in the Pacific Northwest giving was a sign of power. A powerful chief would give away everything he owned as a sign of his wealth and power. This was called "potlatch". Think of the power and confidence behind that kind of a gift, that kind of an imbalance!
We sometimes resolve the gift imbalance by acknowledging the givers creativity and insight. Artists do this when they put a painting in a museum or a song out on the internet. "Here's a free gift" they say. We don't pay for it but we acknowledge it and then, if it is good or powerful, we pass it on and we become givers by sharing with others.
Sometimes we repair the imbalance of a gift by becoming closer to the giver. What was a simple transaction in business now becomes a friend to a friend. We develop a sense of preferred customers, vendors or clients because of the gift.
BUT sometimes we develop a sense of resentment. "Why are you rich and powerful and I am not?" so a cycle of dependency is created "You NEED to give to me because you are rich and powerful!" This gifting hurts both parties.
The key to giving gifts is in the sense of FORWARD motivation. If my gift to you inspires you to do something so you can give to another and another and so on; then the gift has a forward momentum. If my gift to you causes you to resent me and begin to EXPECT that gift or an BIGGER one next time and the next and so on; then my gift has a negative momentum that is destructive to both of us.
People love to give gifts. Not just because of the sense of power like the Native American Chief but simply because that is how we were built by God. But as receivers of gifts we generally suck. We don't know how to receive gifts. We become resentful and dependent.
So here is your quick primer on receiving a gift: 1] Thank the giver profusely and ask if there is anything that you can give them in return. 2] Understand the gift is from the heart and a love for you, or just people in general and don't resent it. 3] When the opportunity presents itself (and it WILL) give back, not necessarily to the one who gave to you (in fact, it would be better if not because the joy then spreads). 4] Lather, rinse and REPEAT!
Monday, April 12, 2010
I'm Mad at Everybody!
Jay (Will Smith) to Kay (Tommy Lee Jones) in Men in Black, "Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it." Kay answers, "A PERSON is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody KNEW the earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago everybody KNEW the earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you KNEW that humans were alone on this planet!"
I am mad at EVERYBODY and his sister EVERYONE! No, I'm not mad at you or anyone in particular I am just made at EVERYBODY and EVERYONE. I am mad at the concept of EVERYBODY and EVERYONE. I am mad at the idea of a nebulous group of smart people who make the rules, who say whatever they want and want whatever they say.
But I guess that is okay because I have had EVERYONE mad at me before.
I have also had EVERYBODY disagree with me.
It seemed like EVERYONE was against me at times and EVERYBODY was trying to hurt me.
I am sure that you have had EVERYONE upset over something you did too.
EVERYBODY knows everything so if you are wrong EVERYONE knows it.
EVERYBODY knows you are not good enough.
EVERYONE is out to get you.
EVERYBODY says you should do it THIS way and not THAT way.
EVERYONE is an expert at whatever.
You get the idea. I am mad at THAT everybody and everyone. Using those words is usually a copout trying to justify a weak defense. "Well, I'm right and everybody knows it!" "You ALWAYS to that, everyone tells me you do it to them too!" I hate everybody and everyone because they really don't exist. They are just a label we use for "masses" of people who SEEM to move as one unit and the way they move is usually WRONG.
So don't tell me that EVERYONE or EVERYBODY are your reasons for disagreeing with me. First, since I am part of that group it is false and, second, it's a weak defense for your opinion.
Don't use EVERYONE and EVERYBODY because they don't exist. Besides, I am mad at them.
I am mad at EVERYBODY and his sister EVERYONE! No, I'm not mad at you or anyone in particular I am just made at EVERYBODY and EVERYONE. I am mad at the concept of EVERYBODY and EVERYONE. I am mad at the idea of a nebulous group of smart people who make the rules, who say whatever they want and want whatever they say.
But I guess that is okay because I have had EVERYONE mad at me before.
I have also had EVERYBODY disagree with me.
It seemed like EVERYONE was against me at times and EVERYBODY was trying to hurt me.
I am sure that you have had EVERYONE upset over something you did too.
EVERYBODY knows everything so if you are wrong EVERYONE knows it.
EVERYBODY knows you are not good enough.
EVERYONE is out to get you.
EVERYBODY says you should do it THIS way and not THAT way.
EVERYONE is an expert at whatever.
You get the idea. I am mad at THAT everybody and everyone. Using those words is usually a copout trying to justify a weak defense. "Well, I'm right and everybody knows it!" "You ALWAYS to that, everyone tells me you do it to them too!" I hate everybody and everyone because they really don't exist. They are just a label we use for "masses" of people who SEEM to move as one unit and the way they move is usually WRONG.
So don't tell me that EVERYONE or EVERYBODY are your reasons for disagreeing with me. First, since I am part of that group it is false and, second, it's a weak defense for your opinion.
Don't use EVERYONE and EVERYBODY because they don't exist. Besides, I am mad at them.
Split Time
It is rare to have occurrences that impact the WHOLE WORLD in such a way that everybody is affected by it. I remember things that impacted my life: 9/11, fall of Soviet Union, assassination of Martin Luther King, Viet Nam, and I even remember the assassination of Kennedy even though I was only 3 at the time. My parents and grandparents will add World War II, the Great Depression, and even World War I as having the BIGGEST impact on them and the lives of all those around them. But that PALES in compression to the greatest event in all history, the even that split time in half.
Anno Domini was the Latin we used to use for when time split in half. "Year of our Lord." We used to be in the Year of our Lord 2010. Before time split we called it BC which is the very UN Latin "Before Christ." It actually used to be the Latin form AC (Ante Christum) which means the same but Pope Gregory thought it was too confusing so he used the "english-ized" form of BEFORE Christ. Earlier versions of the 1580 Gregorian Calendar even had the FULL designation of ADNJC (Anno Domini Nostri Iesus Christi) or the Year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Can you imagine that moniker on our calendars today? We are in the Year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010; somehow I don't think that would make it in today's public schools.
In fact we are even going further from it today. You will notice new designations on the Discovery Chanel and new history books called the Common Era. We now designate the years as BCE or Before Common Era and CE which is Common Era. We are now in 2010 CE. We have taken Christ out of our year designations.
I have preached on the fact that miracles become mundane when time is added. The more time, the more mundane a miracle becomes. This is happening with the life of Jesus Christ. The event that split time in half is now becoming mundane.
We have forgotten the trauma of WWI, the Great Depression, WWII, Korea, Viet Name and even 9/11 already.
We have distanced ourselves from the shock of the assassinations of both Kennedy's, Martin Luther King, and even the attempts on Ford and Reagan and the Pope.
AND we have forgotten or simply gotten used to the most IMPACTFUL event in all history: the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The event that split time in HALF!
I don't care whether you call it BC or BCE, AD or CE, it really doesn't matter because they are still split by the REALITY of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ!
He is risen. He is risen indeed!
Anno Domini was the Latin we used to use for when time split in half. "Year of our Lord." We used to be in the Year of our Lord 2010. Before time split we called it BC which is the very UN Latin "Before Christ." It actually used to be the Latin form AC (Ante Christum) which means the same but Pope Gregory thought it was too confusing so he used the "english-ized" form of BEFORE Christ. Earlier versions of the 1580 Gregorian Calendar even had the FULL designation of ADNJC (Anno Domini Nostri Iesus Christi) or the Year of our Lord Jesus Christ. Can you imagine that moniker on our calendars today? We are in the Year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010; somehow I don't think that would make it in today's public schools.
In fact we are even going further from it today. You will notice new designations on the Discovery Chanel and new history books called the Common Era. We now designate the years as BCE or Before Common Era and CE which is Common Era. We are now in 2010 CE. We have taken Christ out of our year designations.
I have preached on the fact that miracles become mundane when time is added. The more time, the more mundane a miracle becomes. This is happening with the life of Jesus Christ. The event that split time in half is now becoming mundane.
We have forgotten the trauma of WWI, the Great Depression, WWII, Korea, Viet Name and even 9/11 already.
We have distanced ourselves from the shock of the assassinations of both Kennedy's, Martin Luther King, and even the attempts on Ford and Reagan and the Pope.
AND we have forgotten or simply gotten used to the most IMPACTFUL event in all history: the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The event that split time in HALF!
I don't care whether you call it BC or BCE, AD or CE, it really doesn't matter because they are still split by the REALITY of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ!
He is risen. He is risen indeed!
Monday, March 22, 2010
How to be Wealthy
"Every life has a scoreboard and how you choose to keep score is up to you." Roy Williams.
How do you measure how successful you are? How do you keep score of your wealth?
"Wealth is measured in months. How many months can you survive if you no longer got a paycheck and you lived completely on your investments and savings? Once that becomes indefinitely - then you are wealthy." Robert Kyosaki.
Some people measure success by their ability to hurt others. The more they hurt; the more successful they are. I knew a couple of guys who measured a successful cruise by how many women they were able to "bed" in the days of the cruise. We all know people who use crazy measurements for success. Most people tend to measure wealth and success by the amount of THINGS they have and how expensive those THINGS are.
Let me give you a few measures of success that you might now have considered before. (I borrowed much of this from Roy Williams, sorry Roy):
1) How curious are you? The more curious you are - the more successful and wealthy you are. Never lose the wonder of discovery in the universe. Never quit learning, experimenting, and discovering and your coffers will overflow.
2) How LITTLE do I need to be happy? "It is not the man who has little, but he who desires more, that is poor" said Seneca. Contentment is wealth and success, just one dollar more is poor-ness.
3) Have I proven that I care? Everyone who eats a whopper leaves a little more depressed because no one REALLY cooked that meal, but something grilled at home, burnt, and dry, and without your favorite pickle relish but done with a love for you - makes you RICH! Success is a race to prove I care about you.
4) Have I made someone's life better today? The people who focus on making other's lives better are the wealthy ones. The hoarders, racked by selfish ambition are the poor. What have you done today to make the world a better place for the people in it?
The point is that money in the bank is a poor scoreboard of success and wealth. Don't get caught up in the common, ordinary, crowd-following measurements of wealth and success. Don't be a slave to what advertisers tell you is success. I pray I have made your life just a little better with these words simply because I care about you.
How do you measure how successful you are? How do you keep score of your wealth?
"Wealth is measured in months. How many months can you survive if you no longer got a paycheck and you lived completely on your investments and savings? Once that becomes indefinitely - then you are wealthy." Robert Kyosaki.
Some people measure success by their ability to hurt others. The more they hurt; the more successful they are. I knew a couple of guys who measured a successful cruise by how many women they were able to "bed" in the days of the cruise. We all know people who use crazy measurements for success. Most people tend to measure wealth and success by the amount of THINGS they have and how expensive those THINGS are.
Let me give you a few measures of success that you might now have considered before. (I borrowed much of this from Roy Williams, sorry Roy):
1) How curious are you? The more curious you are - the more successful and wealthy you are. Never lose the wonder of discovery in the universe. Never quit learning, experimenting, and discovering and your coffers will overflow.
2) How LITTLE do I need to be happy? "It is not the man who has little, but he who desires more, that is poor" said Seneca. Contentment is wealth and success, just one dollar more is poor-ness.
3) Have I proven that I care? Everyone who eats a whopper leaves a little more depressed because no one REALLY cooked that meal, but something grilled at home, burnt, and dry, and without your favorite pickle relish but done with a love for you - makes you RICH! Success is a race to prove I care about you.
4) Have I made someone's life better today? The people who focus on making other's lives better are the wealthy ones. The hoarders, racked by selfish ambition are the poor. What have you done today to make the world a better place for the people in it?
The point is that money in the bank is a poor scoreboard of success and wealth. Don't get caught up in the common, ordinary, crowd-following measurements of wealth and success. Don't be a slave to what advertisers tell you is success. I pray I have made your life just a little better with these words simply because I care about you.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Space, the Final Frontier
I caught the bug even before July of 1969. I knew all the Mercury and Gemini astronauts, I knew the Apollo astronauts as they were introduced in the papers and on the Dick Cavett show. One Christmas was especially great when my mom and dad got me the Gemini Space Capsule along with space suit and tether for my GI Joe. I spent hours floating through space tethered to that Capsule and even practiced splashdowns in our pool. I loved the space program and thought sure that one day I would take a ride from the troposphere to the stratosphere and maybe even into the mesosphere or thermosphere.
Then reality hit, it hit me when I was turned down by the US Airforce because of my two high school knee surgeries; and it hit NASA with budget cuts, wars, economies, and a "what's the point" attitude. Now with the space station nearly complete, only a few shuttles left to fly there is a malaise of what to do next.
This week, while visiting my parents and son in Florida I tethered myself to NASA again. I felt like a kid looking at the rockets, watching launch videos, watching the launch of a weather satellite from the beach and feeling the excitement of taking another small step into the Final Frontier. I believe that our deep desire to discover something new, something exciting, and something totally OTHER is a exercise of God's image within all of us. ALL of the scientists of old sought to discover the earth because within that discovery they would find a picture of the Creator. From the 50's and 60's came that same sense of discovery disguised as a space race with a cold enemy. Yet it wasn't the Russians that pushed us to space, they may have lit the pre-burners, but it was discovery of God and his creation that compelled us. Through the small, thick window of a Command Module we wiped off the moisture and said like Moses of old, "Show me your Glory!"
Ronald Reagan quoted JG Magee on January 28, 1986 on the day of the Challenger explosion, "We will never forget them this morning as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God." Yet Magee's intent, as a WWII fighter pilot, was to describe to his parents the feeling of flying. Here is the poem in its entirety:
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds, – and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless falls of air...
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, nor eer eagle flew –
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high, untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
I long again to float weightless and look at the earth as more of a satellite than a resident. To drink water that comes to you as a floating sphere and dream of an amazing creation and creator. Maybe I won't touch the face of God but I would love to catch a glimpse of his reflection as he passes. I hear tickets on Virgin Galactic are now down to only $200,000 and the new space port is being built only a few hours away in New Mexico. Time and health may be running out for me but in my mind I still "top the wind-swept heights with easy grace." Won't you join me?
Then reality hit, it hit me when I was turned down by the US Airforce because of my two high school knee surgeries; and it hit NASA with budget cuts, wars, economies, and a "what's the point" attitude. Now with the space station nearly complete, only a few shuttles left to fly there is a malaise of what to do next.
This week, while visiting my parents and son in Florida I tethered myself to NASA again. I felt like a kid looking at the rockets, watching launch videos, watching the launch of a weather satellite from the beach and feeling the excitement of taking another small step into the Final Frontier. I believe that our deep desire to discover something new, something exciting, and something totally OTHER is a exercise of God's image within all of us. ALL of the scientists of old sought to discover the earth because within that discovery they would find a picture of the Creator. From the 50's and 60's came that same sense of discovery disguised as a space race with a cold enemy. Yet it wasn't the Russians that pushed us to space, they may have lit the pre-burners, but it was discovery of God and his creation that compelled us. Through the small, thick window of a Command Module we wiped off the moisture and said like Moses of old, "Show me your Glory!"
Ronald Reagan quoted JG Magee on January 28, 1986 on the day of the Challenger explosion, "We will never forget them this morning as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God." Yet Magee's intent, as a WWII fighter pilot, was to describe to his parents the feeling of flying. Here is the poem in its entirety:
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds, – and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless falls of air...
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, nor eer eagle flew –
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high, untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
I long again to float weightless and look at the earth as more of a satellite than a resident. To drink water that comes to you as a floating sphere and dream of an amazing creation and creator. Maybe I won't touch the face of God but I would love to catch a glimpse of his reflection as he passes. I hear tickets on Virgin Galactic are now down to only $200,000 and the new space port is being built only a few hours away in New Mexico. Time and health may be running out for me but in my mind I still "top the wind-swept heights with easy grace." Won't you join me?
Things I'll say to my Grandchildren
I am going to be a grandfather soon and that gives me pause. Not because I'm too young to be a grandfather (I am), not because my kids can't handle their own child (They CAN) but because I begin to wonder what my world will be like when we can sit and talk as adults together: me and my grandchild. When I look into my crystal ball to see what my world will be like in 25 years, when I am 75 and my grandchildren in their teens and twenties, I find myself waxing political as well as social.
So here are a few things I anticipate saying to my grandchildren:
"Back when you were born we only had 2D television and the TV had to fit on a shelf or hang on the wall."
"We had to watch commercials that interrupted our shows, but that was a great time to get up and get a snack."
"Why, yes, our TV, computer, AND cell phone were different gadgets."
"We actually believed that humans could cause global climate change. Silly now isn't it?"
"We also actually believed that humans evolved from lower life forms like monkeys! How crazy is that?"
"Back when you were I kid I would NEVER have gotten a new heart made out of my own DNA. People feared cloning would lead to soul-less zombies walking around."
"You know there was a time when we used oil to power our cars, something called gasoline, instead of just making clothes with it."
"There were television shows that would actually give prizes to people who could store facts in their heads."
"Yes there were countries that actually believed if you give everything to everybody then everybody would have everything."
"Congrats on your new Master's Degree! You know, when you were born students actually had to go to class on the teacher's schedule and you would sit in uncomfortable desks and STAY IN ONE PLACE for hours at a time listening to a lecture. They actually handed out paper for you to write on and then they graded it with a red pen. Weird right?"
"I don't care how many brain memory upgrades you get, you will never be able to upload love into your head. So come here and give me a hug because I love you!"
So here are a few things I anticipate saying to my grandchildren:
"Back when you were born we only had 2D television and the TV had to fit on a shelf or hang on the wall."
"We had to watch commercials that interrupted our shows, but that was a great time to get up and get a snack."
"Why, yes, our TV, computer, AND cell phone were different gadgets."
"We actually believed that humans could cause global climate change. Silly now isn't it?"
"We also actually believed that humans evolved from lower life forms like monkeys! How crazy is that?"
"Back when you were I kid I would NEVER have gotten a new heart made out of my own DNA. People feared cloning would lead to soul-less zombies walking around."
"You know there was a time when we used oil to power our cars, something called gasoline, instead of just making clothes with it."
"There were television shows that would actually give prizes to people who could store facts in their heads."
"Yes there were countries that actually believed if you give everything to everybody then everybody would have everything."
"Congrats on your new Master's Degree! You know, when you were born students actually had to go to class on the teacher's schedule and you would sit in uncomfortable desks and STAY IN ONE PLACE for hours at a time listening to a lecture. They actually handed out paper for you to write on and then they graded it with a red pen. Weird right?"
"I don't care how many brain memory upgrades you get, you will never be able to upload love into your head. So come here and give me a hug because I love you!"
Monday, February 08, 2010
Emotions and your FACE, Part 2
The six primary emotions of anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise may be a pretty simple way to boil down our emotions. We are much deeper than that and as we grow we learn to control these emotions in various ways. The first way is by controlling the intensity. If you watch a baby you will find an increase in the intensity of emotions for example from concern to anxiety to FEAR to terror. I look at a baby and I see concern in his eyes, as I get closer I can see anxiety as he quickly looks for mom, as I pick him up I begin to see FEAR on his face, and finally when I throw him into the air and catch him you will see genuine terror. (Now, being the observant person I am, I will try to stop at concern by inserting some joy - like candy behind the mom's back). We have intensities in these emotions.
Now look at the six emotions with their mild to extreme intensities and you will find 24 different facial expressions using those 6 as primaries. Look at the picture: Stern to indignation to ANGER to rage. Alert to wonder to SURPRISE and then to shock. All nuances and intensities of the six primaries.
As we get older we gain the nuance of these emotions and attempt to control them but as Dr. Ekman (Lie to me) and Scott McCloud (Making Comics, who drew these emotions) know we cannot really control our emotional facial expressions completely. It will come across as a "strange" look on our face or a insincere smile, etc. What happens is a crossing of these six primaries and when we do, we find even more emotional possibilities based on a combination of FEAR and JOY.
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